Many of us have just graduated from college with the prospect of entering the workforce, only to find that the only positions available in the fields that we want are internships. After 32 internships, perhaps you will find an entry level position with a small firm or business, but there is not guarantee. I currently have 4 internship interviews, but I don’t think this is cute. Mama needs to makes them dolla bills, and she needs to make ’em now.
I have made the wise decision to move to New York City, one of the most expensive cities known to man. What makes things even better is that I am moving there from Missouri, where my current wages will qualify me as a derelict in NYC. I have been working all summer, making a relatively pleasant salary for someone my age, but after 3 months of working in St. Louis, I will have enough to pay for a spot in a parking garage in Hoboken. I’ll just pitch a tent and call it a day.
If I could find a job, things would be fine. A salary in New York is obviously higher than one in St. Louis, so I’d probably be able to find a decent apartment in an only mildly dangerous area. However, as mentioned before, my experience makes me the perfect intern, and I don’t know if you’ve heard, but interns get paid little to nothing. If I see stipend, I apply immediately, hoping that the extra dollars will afford me dinner of select nights, or basic toilletries. Any other forms of compensation are just icing on the cake. Travel reimbursement? I’m in. Lunch? Sign me up! Someone could throw in tooth paste, I’d be all about it. I like the companies that say the interns get to go to events and parties. According to my calculations, “events” and “parties” are code for snacks, and “snacks” is code for dinner. I hope to be attending a lot of events and/or parties in whatever internship I so desperately find myself in.
One good thing about being an intern is that it sounds youthful. How many 40 year-old interns do you know? None, I hope, and if you do know one, I apologize if I’ve offended that person, but that’s really weird. Yes, the term “intern” ignites images of college students, new graduates or Monica Lewinsky. I’m ok with any of these associations.
Of course, as an intern, I will have to accept a second job to pay rent, which will likely be something like hostessing or drug dealing, until I enter my career field after 3 years of unpaid internships. I’ll likely become accustomed to my new life of crime, and all of those hours spent editing articles and making copies will have been for naught. Anybody who’s anybody knows that crime pays better than writing, so I will exchange my literary dreams for gold chains, change my name and laugh as I see stupid twenty-somethings walking the streets in their trendy flats, on their way to internships that will earn them “experience.”