BREAKING NEWS: Taco Bell has introduced a new menu item, the Black Jack Taco!
The Black Jack taco comes in a terrifying black shell and contains some sort of jack cheese, hence the name. Oh, Taco Bell, you are so clever. Everyone thought your marketing strategy would bomb after the death of that atrocious chihuahua, but boy, did you ever prove me wrong. First the volcano menu (because nothing makes me want to eat fake Mexican food like rare natural disasters), and now this! You are too good to us, Taco Bell.
But let’s be real here. No one cares about what is in this taco. All anyone sees is the color of its shell. Why not change the name to “Negraco?” I’m glad to see fast food of color finally make it onto the scene, but I think we can all agree that Taco Bell is simply exploiting the peculiarity of the taco.
I can just see it: 3 am, a bunch of drunken bros stumble into their local TB (I don’t think it is a coincidence that the intials of Taco Bell are the same as the abbreviation for tuberculosis). As they scan the menu, they notice the Negraco. 89 cents. The same price as a regular taco. “Regular.” The kids decide to try the Negraco, you know, just to say they did. Or maybe they’ll buy a black taco and a “normal” taco, just in case they don’t like the black one, in which case the Taco Bell gods (or demons…) press their fingertips together in an evil laugh. Mission accomplished.
Enough with the blackface, TB. You might as well give the taco a pair of tap shoes and put it on the counter. Unforgivable.
Taco’s aren’t supposed to be black, because corn is not black. Wait, there is black corn. Oh. Well, regardless, I’m sure you’re not using real black corn to make the Negracos.
And be warned, you could be digging yourself into a bizarre hole. You know what they say: once you go black…