Smooth R&B

Sometimes, as I’m doing laundry or shopping for groceries, I find myself making up R&B songs. These songs are generally made for men, usually a group as opposed to a soloist. I never know where the songs come from, as there is nothing in Trader Joe’s that should spark such grown and sexy lyrics, but it just happens.

The songs I make tend to be reminscent of the early to mid-90’s, when it was acceptable for a group of men to walk on a beach, with just the top button of their blouses (yes blouses) buttoned, while the tops and  matching silk pants flapped in the wind–as long as there was a video crew taping, that is.boyz

“Babygirl your kisses so sweet (so sweet), you know you are the only living thing I ne-E-ed,” and “Ooo, you are my Hershey chocolate queen, you’re my heaven, and my sea, and everything between,” are lines that have come about while I complete mundane household chores. The parenthetical notation generally indicates a part that is sung by a lesser group member in an unusually high tone.  

“Oh, little lady, you are looking so fine (so fine), I wanna spread some honey on your warm, silky thighs,” is one of the more risque lines I’ve come up with, along with, “Nothing like lovin’ you, while the rain falls on the roof, and I hear you say ‘OOOOO.” (The “OOO” is sung by three different group members on three different counts, ie Joey-(count 1)O, Shavon-(count 2)O, T-(count 3)O)

Usually their music videos take place on a beach, as mentioned earlier, while other scenes take place in a fire-lit log cabin, in a master bedroom with satin sheets, or frolicking on/rolling down Tuscan hills. Each member gets only one of these exotic backdrops, but they usually all meet up at some point, probably at a swanky apartment, having a low key cocktail party, or something of that nature.

Also, each song has a talking portion, where the “Barry White” of the group will deliver some sort of “Hey, Baby” speech at the beginning or, on occassion, middle. He describes the general attractiveness of said lady and goes on to say how he will never, ever do anything to hurt her. He is very genuine. He wears one diamond earring.

I hope one day my songs come into fruition. If you know any fellows who are interested in becoming part of an all male R&B group, have them contact me immediately. I’m ready to get this started. It’s gonna be big. BET awards will be won.

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