This past weekend I started studying for the GRE, and I must say, I’m off to a horrible start.
I should have known things would not go well when I tried to text Emily, my study buddy (and regular buddy), that I was excited for our “study sesh.” My phone thought that maybe I was excited for the study “shhhh,” or maybe the study “seahorse,” or perhaps the study “swag.” I gave up after three texts, figuring she knew what I meant.
On Sunday afternoon, we sat on my living room floor, sipping coffee, muching cookies, and “studying.” Emily read through some tips, and I’m going to be real with you. I wasn’t listening. What do I need tips for? I’ve taken tests. I went to college. I clearly know what’s up.
Finally, we got to the meat. The actual questions. We each looked off of her book, as mine had still not arrived in the mail (or “male” as I posted on her Facebook wall…another omen). We wrote our answers on separate sheets of paper. I didn’t know what most of the words meant, so I just skipped about half of the problems. When we went through the answers, I got about 30% correct. Turns out, I’m really impatient, and didn’t read all the way through the questions I deemed worthy to answer. I just glanced at them and picked the first thing that seemed semi-appropriate. Funnily enough, one of the aforementioned “tips” was to read through each question completely. Who knew?
When we came to the math section, I just left my sheet blank and ate some cookies.
“This is so dumb,” I said, like an obnoxious teenager on an ABC Family show. “Why would I ever need to know this?” Sigh. I griped some more, and got everything wrong. Then Emily and I went on Facebook for two hours and played pranks on people. Overall, it was a pretty successful study sesh.
If I decide I actually want to go through with this thing and, you know, take the test, I fear I will only be prolonging the epic fail. I imagine I’ll go in after a nice hearty breakfast, sit down at my little computer, and just stare at my screen for a while. I’ll get out my two sharpened number 2 pencils, which will be of no use to me as this thing is on a computer now, because we live in the future. I might go through, half read some questions, and eeny-meeny miny-moe it. Maybe I’ll bring my iPod (which they probably don’t allow) to help me zone out. The next thing I know, everyone will be staring at me, as I sing and snap along to “I Get So Lonely,” only to realize that I didn’t plug my headphones all the way in, and now everyone in the testing center has to listen to Janet tell it like it is.
By that time, three hours will be up, and I will have earned a big fat goose egg. But maybe things will be fine. After all, I did get my book in the male yesterday (his name was Kevin), and I’m really going to try to get my study swag on.