There is a quaint little shop on the corner of Fulton and Gold Street where dreams come true. That shop is Lot Less. Shopping at Lot Less is a physical, emotional, intellectual, and often sensual experience.
As you walk through the doors, you will come to realize that you are not in Kansas anymore. The first thing you will find (after passing the security guard, who is there for obvious reasons) is a bin filled with whatever the deal of the week is. I call this the Money Bin. As “Please Don’t Stop the Music” by Rihanna pumps through the speakers, eager blue collar folk surround the bin like a pack of rabid wildebeests. Sometimes The Money Bin houses 2 for $5 graphic tees, other times $5 metal clasp pocket books. In any case, there is a deal in there that you can’t pass up and are likely to shed blood for.
To the left of The Money Bin, you will find the cosmetics and toilletries. Now, some people like to spend loads of money on “quality” cosmetics from Clinique and Lancome, but why when you can get a “Chocolate Decadence” eyeshadow compact at Lot Less for $1.99? Did I mention that the compact includes 4 shades, and it tells you on which part of the eye each color goes? Well it does, so deal with it. There is also an abnormally large Nair section, but we don’t need to get into that.
Lot Less has everything you need to be a street savvy New York woman, including Dereon lingerie. That’s right. Beyonce’s own House of Dereon is available at Lot Less (my guess is that Beyonce has no idea, and will sue once she discovers this information). You want to look like Beyonce in your underwear? Well come on down to Lot Less and get a purple Leopard print bra and panty set. You still won’t look like Beyonce, but at least you have matching underware now!
There is also an impressive recreation section at Lot Less, filled with unpopular board games and computer games like Hamburger Island, in which the player gets stuck on a dessert island and must make hamburgers…obviously.
Which brings me to my favorite Lot Less section: the food region. I don’t understand why people buy food anywhere BUT Lot Less. Last Saturday I bought a bag of dark chocolate almond Dove’s for 99 cents. They sell 3-pack boxes of popcorn for the same price, similarly priced cracker snacks. Panettone will run you about $2.99, and Quaker instant oatmeal is usually $1.79 a box. They also sell pear halves in heavy syrup, so you can get some produce in too. Additionally, the have great on-the-go meals for around $2.00. They are usually little pasta or couscous dishes that come in a can with a happy looking woman on the front. She has abnormally large hands, probably from the canned couscous, but she’s just so pleasant.
Unfortunately, liquor, prescription drugs, and tobacco products are not yet available for purchase at Lot Less, but it is my belief that things will change within the next few months.
It is my belief that someone could survive only by shopping at Lot Less, and I may be the woman for the job. Sure, I’ll probably develop a life-threatening illness or turn to a life of crime, but I will have saved so much money, and that’s what it’s all about.