Good news. Justin Bieber got in a fight with a 12 year old while playing laser tag. Apparently the pre-teen verbally harassed Biebs, before he decided he’d had enough and gave the little d-bag a little shovey shove.
Don’t worry, Biebs. I’m on your team. Kids think that just because they’re smaller and not mentally developed that they can walk all over you, but it’s high time we teach them a lesson.
I remember the last time I was at Libby Lu getting a makeover, chilaxin to some Selena Gomez. I was picking out my nail color when I heart a high pitched squirrel behind me. That squirrel turned out to be a blond tween in a sick pink boa.
“She probably wears Limited Too Plus,” the girl whispered to her group of mini-skanks.
“What’s that?” I said, whipping around, my pigtails stinging my cheeks. The girl ignored me, so I started to get hostile. “That’s not even a thing!” I shouted.
“Limited Too Plus? Yeah it is,” she said. She and her friends laughed, and I really started to get PO’d.
“You shut your stinking mouth,” I said, kneeling, putting my finger under her nose. A middle-aged woman wearing a handsome shawl from Chico’s walked over.
“Whoa, what’s going on here?” she said, wrapping her arm around the girl who had begun to cry.
“This is between me and the kid, Old Lady,” I said, shaking with anger.
“Haley is my daughter!” the woman shouted.
“YOU’RE my daughter!” I said. No one really knew what that meant, and it was quiet for a second.
Then, the child grabbed a vile of body splash and threw it in my face shouting, “Destruction!”
“My eyes!” I fell to the ground. “MY EYES!” Mother and daughter laughed as I writhed on the ground. I could barely see through the combination of cheap fragrance and purple eyeliner, but I grabbed the woman’s low, sensible heel from under her, causing her to fall backwards into a rack of animal print hats. I made my way to standing, and grabbed the girl, lifting her above my head, WWE style. Screaming, I spun in circles as the girl wailed. I flung her body into a pile of pillows, which was far less dramatic than what I had hoped for. When the police arrived, I told them I had done this on purpose, to prevent the girl from getting hurt, but it was really just the result of fatigue and bad aim.
Justin, take it from me. These kids are a-holes. I respect you for showing him who’s boss, and I hope you will not hesitate to lay down the law at Gymboree next time some toddler gets in your face.