There has been much talk of the U.S. debt ceiling as of late. As many of you know, I follow politics and the economy quite closely. (I’m jk’ing. I generally have no idea what is gong on in the world around me. No idea.) However nothing shook me more than what I am about to share with you. These observations served as a stark wakeup call for what I fear might be the death of the US economy.
Yesterday I received two very startling emails. The first was this from Groupon:
Subject Line: $6 for Two Subs or Salads at Quiznos.
Really? I used to get Groupon emails inviting me on Cape Cod excursions and to five-course dinners at upscale restaurants. Did I ever buy those Groupons? No, of course not. Who do I look like, Nicole Richie? But let’s have a little pride, America. Are we going to waste our time entering credit card information and printing out receipts so that we can save $5 at Quiznos, of all the Godforsaken places on the planet? Well, yes, we will. I almost did, but I was at work when I got the email, and I couldn’t spend 15 minutes deciding whether or not to buy this thing, because I don’t even know where a Quiznos is, but I’ll be sure to find one if I buy it, right?
The second, from The Skint, read as follows:
Subject line: DailyGobble Presents: Free Lunch at Maoz Vegetarian (July 27-Aug 3)
Body: DailyGobble presents an official partnership with Maoz Vegetarian. Starting today (Wed. Jul. 27th) through next Wed (Aug. 3rd), eat at any Maoz in Manhattan and Hoboken and get up to $6 off your meal:
1. Sign up for a DailyGobble account through our website or one of our free smartphone apps: iPhone, Android, BlackBerry
2. Purchase a meal at any of the seven listed Maoz locations: Times Square, Union Square, Greenwich Village, Columbia University, Upper West Side, Theatre District, Hoboken
3. Claim your rebate by uploading a picture of your receipt within 24 hours of purchase
Limit one redemption per user. Valid at any Maoz Vegetarian location in Manhattan (NY); Times Square, Union Square, Greenwich Village, Columbia University, Upper West Side, Theatre District and Hoboken. Cannot redeem at multiple Maoz Vegetarian locations. Cannot combine with Signpost and YourBestDeals offers. This offer is sponsored by DailyGobble and not paid for by Maoz Vegetarian.
(There was also a massive picture of a falafel in the email, to entice the recipient, of course)
Could this be more complicated? For a free falafel. Are you kidding me with this nonsense? Since when is cost the biggest deterrent in the purchase of a falafel? Cost is probably #6, behind things like “what is a falafel made of?”, “the last time I ate a falafel I got three kinds of sick”, “tahini sauce will totally ruin this sundress” and things of this nature. Don’t get me wrong, falafels are awesome. And I’m quite a fan of Maoz, as their offerings are fresh and hearty. But there are 100 other things I need to worry about other than buying a falafel, photographing my receipt, sending it in, and waiting for my $5 rebate in the mail. Skint, I swear, if you ever email me something regarding a falafel rebate again*…
If these emails are any indication of the state of our nation, I’d say we are officially screwed. I mean, yeah, I’m down for all of these lowbrow shenannigans, but I had no idea there were people with computer access as desperate as myself for sandwiches of all varieties. (Yes, I realize there are people much worse off, but they probably do not receive daily emails from Groupon).
I say we all get the hell out of here before Living Social starts offering 10% off at the Big Lots.
*It took me 4 minutes to decide against taking action towards obtaining a free falafel.