Full disclosure: I spent a good portion of my Thanksgiving break singing what has become one of my favorite R. Kelly songs (that’s right–I enjoy several R. Kelly songs). That song is “Same Girl,” and it features Usher, so it’s obvies really good. Now, I’m sure many of you are quite familiar with the song, but for the others out there, I’m going to outline the song. As with many R. Kelly songs, it has a story line. So try to keep up.
The song begins when R. Kelly decides to give Usher a phonecall. Nothing unusual there. Kells starts telling Usher about this girl he met. She’s great! Average height, “red bone”…which is kind of offensive, shapely (as you might imagine). Usher is quite impressed, responding with words like “Damn!” and “Damn!”
But as Kells continues to divulge uninteresting information about this woman (drives a black Durango, license plate says “Angel”), Usher begins to realize that she sounds a lot like someone he knows…
Usher jumps in, rattling off details about the girl (she has a child and loves Waffle House). Kells just goes along with it, like an idiot. “Yep,” he says. “Yep.” R. Kelly don’t you see? You fellas are talking ’bout the same girl!
Now is when the video comes in handy. Don’t worry, I’ve included it HERE.
As I’m sure you know, Usher lives in ATL and R. Kelly lives in the Chi, so Kells flies to Atlanta, and Usher picks him up from the airport, so that they can discuss the matter. Because it’s that serious. Anywho, turns out they both met her at parties, in their respective cities. As Ush explains, “she came right up to me, giving me conversation.” Based on what I know, I can assume that ‘conversation’ is a street disease. They both explain how the slut (and I feel ok calling her that, with the R. Kelly, and the Usher, and all the conversation) seduced them, and then Usher shows R. Kelly a picture of her on his phone. She’s wearing boy shorts.
Obviously, the two of them must join forces to bring this girl down, as men do. They brainstorm things they might do during a casual game of basketball in Usher’s indoor basketball court.
“You call her, but I’ll be on the phone too, and she won’t know it!” I haven’t used three-way calling since junior high. “It’ll be so good!”
“Or maybe you invite her to dinner, and you show up and hug her, and then I SHOW UP! She’ll be so surprised and embarrassed!”
Really, Usher and R. Kelly? These are your vindictive ideas? I think both of these guys have done worse things to girls they weren’t mad at (if you know what I mean, wink). This seems weak.
SPOILER ALERT: They go with the second plan. Resto surprise. BUT when the second guy sneaks up, guess what happens? The girl’s twin sister shows up! It’s not the same girl!
But wait, who invited the twin sister? Because only one of them made the phonecall, right? And why do both of these adult women live exactly the same life (reside on “Peace” St, beauty mark on the left side of her mouth, work at TBS). Usher. R. Kelly. You guys. It IS the same girl. She just knew you were on to her and called her sister to come along.
And there you have it, ladies and gentleman. Usher and R. Kelly are dummies, and this is totally the same girl who is lucky enough to have a twin she can use for Sister, Sister type shenanigans.
Just call me Sherlock.