A Quick Recap

Hi, Friends. It’s been a while. Things got busy, TV got good, outside was dark, it was a whole thing. But now that the days are growing longer, and I’m only watching shows begrudgingly (Girls, The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Kardashian Story), and not with extreme passion (Being Mary Jane, Transparent – I can’t even talk about it), I figured I might as well catch you up with what’s happened in my world since my last post in September. Warning: CSFW (completely safe for work).  

October:
I dressed up as Hotline Bling Drake for Halloween. But there’s more! David didn’t have a costume, so we decided to go as the Hotline Bling meme where Drake is hitting the tennis ball. I carried a tennis racket, and David dressed as a ball: green sweats with white stripes made of tape. Mostly, no one knew what was happening. One guy asked me if I was the Williams sister’s dad. I thought that was maybe kind of racist. But some people loved it. One girl nearly cried telling me how much she loved the costume. It was a bit much.   

No tennis balls were hurt in the taking of this photo.

November:
I went home for Thanksgiving. My mom retired last April, and this was my first time home since that milestone. She’d renovated the entire kitchen area, which looked fantastic. She also loves Drunk History now, and pretty much all she wanted to do was watch old episodes that she’d taped. I was like, “perfect.”  

During that same trip, my younger cousin (who just graduated from the Paul Mitchell Academy and is a dope hair stylist) gave me a blowout. It was so cute (shout out, Bri!). She said, “make sure you get your ends trimmed every six weeks.” I was like, “sure thing!” I marked January 14th as the date for my next trim. You guessed it. I haven’t even considered getting my ends trimmed (sorry, Bri!).  

December:
No joke, outside of work, I don’t remember December. 

January:
In January, David and I went to Cartagena, Colombia. It was great. They have the sun there. IN JANUARY. We beached, and ate a lot of seafood, but the standout part of the trip was our visit to El Totumo. El Totumo is a shantytown about an hour outside of the city, where you can chill in a mud volcano. I don’t really know what that means (I feel like “volcano” is probably an extreme term for what we experienced). Basically, we walked up a giant hill, then down into a pit of mud. The mud was a perfectly neutral temperature, and when you got in, you floated. No option. You just floated. It freaked me out, and I kept flopping around, because I couldn’t understand it. My flopping was disruptive to the others, and I apologized as I kicked the strangers around me. Also, and quite importantly, there are men in the pit who massage the mud over your body, so that you are fully covered. Don’t worry, you’re wearing a swimsuit (I can only imagine the horror otherwise), and it’s absolutely not weird.   

I can’t handle it

 The weird part is when you finally get out and walk to the lake to be washed by the ladies. They are pour buckets of dirty lake water over your entire body with supreme aggression. You can’t see anything, you don’t know if you’re still wearing your swimsuit or not, or if maybe someone is recording this. It’s all very disorienting.

The mud volcano is great, and your skin feels amazing afterwards. I spent the rest of the day petting my own arm.

February:
Two important things happened this month (I use the term “important loosely).  

First, for Valentine’s Day, David and I took a samurai sword-fighting class. He sent me a number of ideas (including a social anxiety class, which I thought was rude, but I saved the information for another time), and that’s actually what I chose. I thought it would be funny. I was wrong. It was so serious. Some of the students had clearly been practicing for years. They had special big pants, and their own wooden swords and sheaths. I, on the other hand, couldn’t figure out to hold the fake sword the right way. It was SO physically demanding. There was lots of squatting and arm activity.

At the end of class, the advanced students (those with special pants) performed fights, and at the end, one person in each pair “died” in a most dramatic fashion. I was happy for every person there. They’d found each other.

Secondly, I saw Chaka Khan in concert. My friend Rhea had a free ticket, and was kind enough to invite me (she also invited me to see Blackstreet at the same theater a few posts ago, so you know what’s coming). So Rhea, our friend Andrew, and his really nice friend whose name I can’t remember, and I all made our way to Kings Theater in Flatbush. We had passes for the “Kings Club,” which was a room that 

Little Chaka

  served wine, as well as children’s snacks (ie Goldfish, pretzels, Swedish Fish). It was exceptional. The crowd was “grown and sexy,” meaning we were the youngest people there by about 15 years. Vivian Green was the opener. Don’t worry, most people didn’t know who that was. She was good, but her backup singers were great. One of them completely ate it at the end of her set – she was really getting into it, and her weak ankles apparently weren’t equipped for all that – but they were still fabulous. Finally, at 11pm (!) Chaka came out. She was cute, sounded great, and only mysteriously left stage twice.

So that’s where I am right now. Thanks for taking the time to catch up with me. I’ll be back soon.

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