LabelsĀ 

Listen, I know. It’s been a while. 9 months. I could have had a baby by now, but I didn’t even. I wish I could say, “oh, the reason I haven’t written my blog in so long is because I have been busy launching an organization that does something important for young girls of color,” or something equally admirable, but I haven’t. My excuses are as follows:

1. I got lazy: There were so many nice things to do aside from writing this blog. Atlanta came out. There were many good books to read. Sleeping in sometimes felt right. It was a cozy time for me. 

2. Wedding planning: I’ve been in an emotional, spiritual, and financial whirlwind since August 28th, and I’m just now coming back to earth. For a moment I considered writing about wedding planning here, but I didn’t want to risk turning this space into The Knot 2.0 (though, let’s be honest, that never would have happened…I don’t even have my dress yet, and am this close to just swinging by the dry cleaners and picking up the one that’s been hanging in the window for 6 years). 

3. The world is a disaster: It seemed foolish to write about silly things when so many horrible things were happening in real time. 

But then I started to realize that my last excuse was nonsense (the other two were totally valid). First of all, terrible things had been happening throughout the course of this blog, and it never stopped me before. The difference was that the past year has felt like a BirchBox subscription of terrible news, with a box full of atrocities (some of which I didn’t even know existed) arriving on the regular, whereas the years prior were more like occasional visits to Sephora. Secondly, I tend to get depressed when all I’m thinking and reading about are horrible events. Sometimes, we need stupid, nothing things to get through. And so, here I am, with something truly stupid and nothing.

Over the past few months, I’ve received an onslaught of personalized mailing labels from charitable organizations. Some of you may be thinking, “Lauren, that’s awesome! You’ll never have to write your name in the upper lefthand corner of an envelope again!” To you I say, “Shut up. You think I’m trying to send snail mail?”

I have received six separate envelopes filled with about 3 dozen of these labels each. When I got the first one, I was like, “Oh, cool. I’ll use these for rent checks.” By the time the sixth arrived, I truly thought I was on a hidden camera show. The Audobon Society clearly knows nothing about my lifestyle. 

There is technically nothing wrong with these labels, aside from the fact that if I live another 100 years in my current apartment, I’ll never go through them all. Some of them are very patriotic (bald eagle in front of American flag, Statue of Liberty in front of American flag, golden retriever puppy in front of American flag, French bulldog puppy AND kitten together in front of American flag), some are seasonal (autumnal leaves, snowflakes, candy canes), and some give a nod to the great animals of our nations (birds and wolves, obviously). But I do take issue with the strange stickers that came with a set of labels from the Defenders of Wildlife. They are a series of messages like, “Missing You,” “Get Well Soon,” and “Happy Birthday” over an image of a scary wolf. Maybe it’s just me, but if I got a an envelope in the mail, and opened it, and there was just a sticker of a wolf saying “Thinking of You” on a piece of paper, I’d probably get off social media for a while. Obviously, the letter would be traceable if accompanied by the matching wolf label, but still, there’d be reason to be concerned. 

But for some strange reason, I can’t seem to part with the stickers or the labels. I do have low key hoarder tendencies, and part of me feels like these might come in handy. Maybe I’ll live in this apartment for the rest of my life, and mail won’t become obsolete, and I’ll give my daughter (or son!) my name and force them to stay here forever, just so that these labels will go to good use. Feels like a solid plan. 

In any case, these labels have given me something completely nonsensial to worry about, which I needed. Thanks, American Legion, Animal Haven, Audobon Society, and especially you, Defenders of Wildlife. You’ve really gotten in my head, and I appreciate it. 

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